Saturday, December 14, 2013

Just an old gay man.

Smart Daily


This is my first blog and, therefore, a learning experience. I have my own philosophies, talents and interests and I hope that others may find them entertaining. I want to create a blog that is smart and fun. This is definitely new territory for me but I plan to make the best of it. A diary, of sorts, of a 62 year old gay male who is looking at the world through the layers of his own experiences and history. Through those years, my philosophies have changed numerous times, along with my looks. If I'm still around at 92, I'm sure both will change even more.

So, gay marriage is finally here in some states. Didn't think I'd see that happen in my lifetime. The memories of living with a huge lump in my throat, from puberty until I was in my third year in the military, are in those layers of the past just glaring at me. I was so worried then. Worried that I might give up and end it all or be a bloodied, beaten corpse in the morgue of a large city, unclaimed. Mom said 90% of worry was for no reason and the other 10% you couldn't do anything about. Her comment really rings true now. All that worry and pain and here I am happy as a lark to just be an old gay man, content and smiling.

Did I run into any roadblocks because I am gay? Of course I did. Living gay in an era when homosexuality was compared to child rape or even murder can cause some pretty dramatic kickbacks. Going to my captain in the military and saying, "I'm gay and I want out of this heterosexual, testosterone laden organization", did not go well in 1973. Not being an obvious gay male, having been raised with two older and two younger brothers, made it impossible to convince them that I was telling the truth. They figured I had just gone over the deep end because I had smoked too much marijuana. Spent the next nine weeks in a military metal hospital on some reality distorting and body changing drug called Thorazine. 

Some common side effects of Thorazine was dizziness, as if I wasn't dizzy enough, insomnia, blurred vision, constipation, trouble having an orgasm, oh, great, just what I needed, and breast swelling. Here I was, just fresh out of the closet and now I was convinced that they were turning me into a girl. I finally got out by just telling them that I lied. I told them that I was straight and just wanted out of the military. Three weeks of pure hell coming down from that creepy drug and back with the troops and into the closet. I finished my three years in the Army and started my new life......OUT.




Like I said, this blog will be looking through layers. Like "A Christmas Carol" there will be ghosts, with pictures, but I don't plan on it being an autobiography of my life. 

I hope you will stick with me and give me the incentive to continue on a weekly basis to render my input to this new age of wonder and acceptance. 

Thanks for reading.......see you next week.  




6 comments:

  1. Hi Ricky, I'm happy to see you now have this blog. You are very talented and I look forward to you sharing more with us. By the way, I love having you as a friend. :-)

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    1. Thank you, Linda. This is fun. Gives me a nice break and I'm not just here on the computer responding to other peoples blogs and posts. Still working on my book but it's work right now because of the rewrite. Once I get it all caught up, it should be more enjoyable and not so much work. I have to say...this blogging is going to be fun.

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  2. You did amazing for your first blog and I look forward to more

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  3. Congratulations, Ricky! I love your first blog.... keep it up. Love you,too, my friend! I want to know more about you and your life. Time to get back to my blogs. Thanks for the inspiration.

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